I Dunno 'Bout This

Written journal - partial page scans. Last night I wrote that I'm feeling defeated by this journal. It takes much more energy to come at a blank page, 'decorate' it, wait for things to dry, then write. It feels more like a chore than fun. Prior journal? I was on the receiving end of a dual relaxation: first the fun of prepping the backgrounds, then the ability to just sit and flow when it came time to journal. This is hurry up and wait. Not enjoying it. I am also experiencing a bona fide FIRST in all my journaling experience: I DO NOT TRUST THIS JOURNAL. The pages are so fragile that even writing with ballpoint bleeds through to the other side. I do NOT want to have to gesso every single page. But I don't think the paper can hold up to my normal way of adding other papers, bits, ephemera, tags, cards, postcards. The paper puckers, buckles, bubbles, even just beneath the stamp pad ink. And I'm finding the size unexpectedly unwieldy when it comes to journaling ... and scanning? well, I knew that was going to be difficult before I started this. I do like this little 'theater' effect. One good thing that's happening/changing is that I'm stopping myself from moving to the next blank page, saying, 'Hey, you might not want that kind of background the next time you journal.' And it's true, and I'm glad the page is blank instead of pre-readied. The other good thing is that I AM using my rubber stamps more, since this paper won't really take paint or other, wetter, background material.

I'm still determined to finish this journal, but I suspect the pages are going to start pulling off the wire spine sooner rather than later.