The Tide is Out

The Tide is Out
After so long
in our ocean of marriage,
very rare come the times
when I really dislike you.
Here, now, I find myself.
The currents gathered, exploded,
crashed,
then retreated, peeling back all
our structure and
all of our pretenses,
drained us of apathy &
stripped our laziness of
habitual interaction.
Bare the ocean floor of US,
revealed like this,
no waves, no waters, no fluid distractions
or distortions to pretty us up.
Just stark, dark layers of
the silt we tried too long to ignore,
ridges somehow petrified
despite the currents,
now crumbling under our
expanse of separateness.
Not only can't I find you,
I realize that neither
am I looking for you.
Anger, frustration &
withheld apologies stalk us
like piranhas
taking bites out of our
newly exposed,
& dangerously fragile, love.
I know, I know,
the waters will slowly trickle back,
begin to buoy us again,
to lead us bobbing,
thrashing, & spitting dark
slices of our own mud,
in a return toward each other.
Meanwhile,
I turn my back on it all
and wait, this time,
for it to come find me.

11/23/08, L. Antonia Brown

the journal page: acrylic paint, a drawing of myself covered with clear embossing powder. then I froze the page for about 10 minutes, and cracked the layer of embossed powder to create the feeling of shards.