Tuesday, March 31, 2009

More "Committee" Introductions - SoulCollage

White Fish. I am the one inhaling & sifting all currents, expelling pollutants, ingesting the nutrients then offering them, blunt & raw, for your nourishment. I am your guide down to and in the depths. I keep your place here, & I am the guardian of your trust. The Mediator. I am she who washes your heart clean of blame & bitterness, renewing your balance, & joining the hands of all you are in the collective circle of one. The Poet/Scribe. I am your essence, your DNA core, from skeleton to sinew to blood. I am the language and expression of your very breath, and your truest source of undiluted joy. I. Am. You. The Undeserving Sideliner. I am the one distorting your external belonging, disassociating you from welcome, the carnival glass in your mirrors & windows. Exposure exacts punishment - there is familiar safety behind the veil of isolation.

The image for the white fish card SCREAMED at me from the magazine page. It was not in the smallest way what I thought would find me for this card, and seeing it, recognizing it, caused me anguish, made me actually flinch. White Fish on a cutting board, filleted, nearby knife? But that's exactly what White Fish does for me -- break down the b.s., the distractions, the mental denial, and feed me back The True Ingredients, raw & salty & still alive with pulse & currents. It's true, it's what I do to this part of myself -- cut it apart and feed on it, with absolute trust. How wondrous that it's there, within me, that strong, that astute, & that self-sacrificing! Lesson: the images may shock, offend, hurt me, but there is a REASON. Go forward; find the reason.

12 comments:

Holly said...

I am she who washes your heart clean of blame & bitterness, renewing your balance...

Goddess, Toni, this one sentence and thought is truly moving. Thank you.

Cam@Journey Wildly said...

"Go forward; find the reason."

Yes Yes Yes, Toni!

This should be our mantra.

Kathy said...

Oh Toni....so powerful...so raw! Keep going...it will all make sense! Such brave and amazing work! I'm doing the same type of work in therapy. It's not always pretty, but it is always powerful and healing! Keep going!!

Love you!

Kathy

Ascender Rises Above said...

I have been enjoying watching your process unfold. The last set were equally thought provoking

soulbrush said...

yes very evocative images and words, i was so tired after school running after 30 four year olds, that i haven't done any more. tomorrow....tomorrow.

Carla said...

I'm hoping that watching your self exploration will teach me a little about myself. I'm not ready/interested in this for me now, but am nevertheless intrigued!

beth said...

OMG.....you are rockin these babe....I LOVE THEM !!!

soulbrush said...

hiya 'soul'mate. i did some more today, then looked at yours again anf felt mine are so 'flat' but I mustn't do that (compare). see what you think, please honesty.

Mixed Media Martyr said...

Powerful collages, Toni! Moving prose that goes with each one, as well.

"Exposure exacts punishment" and yet isolation does as well! Very thought provoking!!

soulbrush said...

thanks for the support. whew, i feel better and very inspired by your words. my e mail addie is:
jossross@yahoo.com

ccna said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
ccent

Wildeve said...

Hi Toni, I'm just getting caught up on your blog, I'm fascinated with your Soulcollage cards- I would like to try that. Your images and words evoke so many interesting thoughts amd feelings! Thanks for the inspiration.