San Xavier Mission-Journal Entry 2-Details

Spirituality, for me, in the details -- air, shadows, textures, vignettes, light, smells, where is nature in it all? My spirituality like architecture: roaming, familiarizing myself with the sense of place, like an interior blueline, a way of aligning and preparing myself for the formalities I eventually encounter. The wistfulness I feel, seeing in others the purity & acceptance that elude me -- ever the analyst, ever the to-the-side documentarian. I am immersed in small components, led by fragments of emotional recognition & response, but not a whole. Never a whole. Just an awareness of its possibility, its probability, & my own propensity for withdrawing -- to the quietly lit corner, the bench farthest away, the dodge of lifting my camera --
my own resistance to being taken over,
or in.
I want to maintain that reserve of SELF,
set back,
to think & digest.