Sunday, July 6, 2008

Growing Pains Go Both Ways

Yesterday, my oldest male child had a basketball tournament. At 4, my youngest called to see how they were doing, and we learned that David took the elbow of the largest guy in the league, a 6'-8", 300 pound man, to the left side of his forehead, split it open ... they had to stop the game, clean up the gushing blood, clean DAVID up, put those fly-ended bandages on him ... then he continued to play. He got home about 10:30 and went to Urgent Care, but by then it was too late to stitch it.

I had ... a really hard time. From the moment I found out about it, I went into Internal Pacing Mode, just wanting him to GET HOME GET HOME so I could check on him. When he did come in, though, I found my Mom-Routine all short-circuited -- he's 21, he's a man, he clearly was wanting to be treated as an adult. I barely even hugged him, I was so conscious of that aura he was projecting. Meanwhile, I wanted to just stick his butt in my car and take him myself, but I didn't even ASK if he wanted me to go cuz I didn't want to insult him in any way, make him feel like a kid ... .

It just sucked. I dreamed about it all night, like I didn't know what to do, but I had already reverted to full force fierce Mama Lion and just wanted to take care of 'my child'. I was sitting out on the patio this a.m. in tears cuz it was so weird last night, like there are all these new rules now but I don't know what they are. I just don't want HIM to feel I don't care or love him as much if I seem to be backing off. I'm going to make him a card when I'm done here and tell him so. There are just as many firsts as a mom, letting go, raising a man-child, as there are becoming that man ... I know my brothers all 'hate it' when my Mom fusses over them, makes mothering-noises, but at the same time I know she's the first person they want when the shite flies in any way.

I've got to learn the balancing act, I can see that. I object! I just want to be Mom, like always! My Lovely Mother has said it more than once, while in tears, about her own sons, "They may be XX years old, but they're still my children!"

P.S. No photo allowed. Now he's going to have a scar on the 'good' side of his face and he is exceedingly unhappy about that!