Then Again ...

The truth is, my blog isn't very honest. I don't like that. I don't want to move forward in that tradition. Oh, I don't mean I've been lying, but I also haven't let you in very far. Here is what I just wrote to my brothers and My Lovely Mother, who are asking 'what the heck?' about ending my blog:

"The blog feels false to me, very superficial, like zipping up a socially correct costume with pretty pictures and benign writings. My insides are on fire, I have 'real life' going on and don't see the blog as a forum for that kind of truth. I gotta get back to deep writing in my journal and not the superficial, duck-&-dodge shite it's become cuz I'm scared to write what's really going on, what I really feel. Truth ain't always pretty journal backgrounds. I also find my 'art' voice changes when I know I'm going to post it -- art for the audience, not art the way i feel it. I need to step back for a while and get my spine back, I guess."

And I wrote to my blogging buddy, Beth -- it seems that blog readers use blogs as feel-good food, to escape reality, that probably 'they' don't want the grit, the meat and bones. But how arrogant of me! Surely there are others out there who would love to encounter someone who is peeling back the layers and exposing -- Real Life.

I just don't know if I'm that brave.