Patio Beam

ACK! Eesh, blimey and triple shite!!! A 4"x6"x20' piece of galvanized square post costs $272.00. Ya think? NOT!!! I mean, I'd still have to have it cut down to regulation length (16'-4"), then weld some bases to it. Plus, upon further consideration, and in doing some hand placements on the stacked pieces outside our office, I realized those suckers hold heat. Not very smart in the desert. Like I'm going to drag out a hose to cool the sucker off every day, then wipe it down? Pffft.

Instead, when I got home from work, I had a meeting of the minds with Double BB about painting a beam onto the patio, or building a wooden one. Two phone call attempts and 35-minutes on hold to Home Depot's special order department later, with no answer, I can't tell you yet what might transpire with a wooden, homemade balance plank. Double BB was all for it, though, 'splaining me different ways we could do the base so the beam itself won't rock, etc., and still elevate the main plank at least 8" off the ground. Present, temporary solution: can you see it? The outline of my on-the-concrete patio beam? 20 minutes measuring, and plastering wobbly yellow pastel chalk lines, and the beam has landed. No surprising reality check when I 'got on it' to realize I have a very long way to go in obtaining the smallest portion of my a) endurance, b) flexibility, and c) overall balance beam chops. Indication: I can't even remember regulation time for a full-on beam routine, me who used to do full routines 20 times in a row, I loved them/the beam so much!! But I DO remember the routine I did in my senior year of high school, down to every wrist twist, every arch, every leg flourish, every echo of my coach's voice telling me "On your toes, full extension!!! On your toes!!!" [Note: I have possibly the ugliest toe point in the history of gymnastics, which is to say all knobby and out-of-whack, my second toe longer than my first. Eesh. True story.] But my legs remember, even if they don't quite go as far or as fast as they used to. It's like my brain says, 'ok, run-run-split leap' and my legs respond, 'Uh, hmmm, okay, well -- let's see.......OH YEA!!' (hee hee) But bliss, honies. I did dance elements & leaps & full turns {I 'fell off' on every one of those bad boys!] & wolf turns & some of the hops I saw on the Olympics & skips -- but nothing upside down, I admit it -- for a full 30 minutes. Me, who won't get off my lard a** for much o'anything anymore! I'm amazed what an imprint all those years made on my body. My arms and hands arced easily into beautiful balletic curves and lifts; my shoulders and hips launched instantly into automatic self-checking for squareness to the beam, to each other, without any conscious thought from me. And see these feet [dirty little buggers, ain't they]? Lots of dust and chalk and Sharpie smears from measuring out my patio beam on my hands and knees with a 4-foot metal ruler, a yellow pastel chalk piece, and 2 brown Sharpies. Oh, the nail polish remnants? That is from my pedicure of, what? 3 weeks ago? 4? They do a good job, eh? That's why I go there. But I just hate polish maintenance. Can ya tell? I think a few nights out arguing with the concrete and my patio beam and the rest of that maroon stuff oughta chip off right nicely!