Saturday, August 15, 2009

What I Did on my 2nd Blog Anniversary

I awoke to rain rain rain ... sweet good morning. This inspired me to take my Daddy-O Cam to work with me and take puddle pictures.

At home, after work, my youngest male child enlisted MOM to help him make tacos -- meaning he wanted to go buy the fixins and have ME do it, but I wasn't in enabler mode ... I stood close and gave instructions in my best Julia Child voice, and also took photos of him chopping onion, greasing the shell pan, stirring in the taco sauce ...

after, he and I sat to do some on-line work related to his financial aid (first class is the 19th) ...

and then we received ....

WAIT FOR IT ...

THE FATAL BLUE SCREEN ERROR!!!

and the laptop happily shut itself down, with an 'in your face' whistle.

My male child and I looked at each other, eyebrows knit together, both of us clearly thinking our individual versions of WTF?

So I booted it back up AND had a message waiting for me: SYSTEM HAS EXPERIENCED A FATAL DISC ERROR. And the damn thing blue-screened and shut down again.

I have not paid the IT guy fully, yet, for the last go-round to repair the sucker. Best Buy can replace the hard drive but you know? I've already paid MORE to try to fix the thang than I originally paid to purchase it. Given our current home repair and Two Sons In College situation, and the fact that I got no raise for going into my 3rd year ... I'm not feeling a laptop replacement as a priority. At all.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What that means, though, is that my blog anniversary was also my blog farewell. I have, in the past, managed the occasional covert blog post from work, but relying on posting from the office is a truly BAD idea, completely unrealistic. Anyway, I can't download the driver for my Daddy-O Cam or any other software without alerting my boss, who is adamantly opposed to anything extraneous (or personal) by way of programs on the company server.

Truth is, for the last year I've been straddling the fence on whether to continue blogging or not. I love it, yet I resent it (time suckage). I've become more and more BORED with myself -- i.e. posting journal backgrounds ... and I've wanted more time to read, to hang with my boys and watch movies, to get OUT of the studio more, to start walking and weight training with my Double BB, to approach a personal creative writing project I've been piecing together in a goal book/dedicated journal for over a decade.

I've been talking to the Universe for 3 months about all this, unable to reach a decision. When in England, I was LOVING not having any laptop, no email, no blog posting at all, no reason whatsoever to be on 'Laptop Lockdown' ... just to realize I had been referring to it that way ... pretty indicative. So ... I'm taking this as the Universe's answer to my querying and pleading and ranting and agonizing and vacillating. A dead laptop and financial lockdown are a pretty non-negotiable lockdown of their own.

Those of you lovely people out there who want to stay in touch ... even though I'm on Facebook, I hate that venue so don't visit much at all. Emailing me is still the most direct way to contact me. Feel free to do so! antoniafufu@yahoo.com

Lights out. True story. Love to all.

14 comments:

Holly said...

OMG!!!! No...please. Please won't you reconsider? I'd miss you so much.

beth said...

I just looked at my computer screen and went, WTF ?

but you know what ?
I'm so proud of you I can hardly stand it !! I think many of us, at times, feel this way...a prisoner to ourselves while we are handcuffed to our computers.

I have often thought "what if" and when I do, I get a slight pain in my heart, because it's here in blogland that I have people that I have chosen to be with and they fill my heart with a special kind of love...

BUT....now let's go to the (sometimes) bad place that I put upon myself...

sometimes I feel like I'm competing here in blogland and it's at those times that I have to sit back and remind myself why I'm doing this in the first place...

it's my journal...for me...yet, I'd by lying if I didn't say that I love the kind words and pats on the back that I get from my tribe...

so I say, "you go girl"....do what you need to do ...what your heart needs, what your gut tells you to do, what your head believes is right for you at this moment in time !

and all I can say is THANK YOU GOD that I met you from blogging, but now have in my heart forever !

and for you and I, the emailing will continue, as we do it back and forth with each other SO INCREDIBLY WELL !

and besides, I have to be able to check on how javier is doing when he's not with me :)

you know I love you !!!

Samantha said...

I'm just smiling here. Funny, coz I didn't think I'd react this way to such a message from someone that means so much to me in Blogland.

But I TOTALLY admire you for what you are doing (and that is really saying something significant to me). WOW! You are just the most amazing person I know.

I have chewed and chewed over the same subject for a while now. And that makes me realize how much of an addiction and a chore blogging can become. And with the whole Artist's Way work on looking at your creative blocks, I realize that blogging can be one of my greatest distractions to actually getting on with my creative dreams. Which I think is pretty much what you're saying to.

You go, girl! I've said it before: blogging is great, but life is for living.

See you in Yahoo cyberspace.

cinner said...

I have to be honest and tell you I am really going to miss you, nobody else has ever been able to call me cwench and me actually like it. I do understand the situation and will be staying in touch with you. I can see how this blogging can seem like too much, it is time consuming. I cherish your letter, just like I cherish you. You go now and do what you need toand remember you are such a special lady, we are all going to miss you. I will be staying in touch as we do now. take care my friend, be well.

candy said...

LOL

"...individual versions of WTF..."

LOLOLOL

:)
candy

candy said...

Thanks for all your posts and inspiration. I really admire your journal works of art. I'll miss you!

:)
Candy

Mel said...

YOU....are my HERO.

True story.

I've been waffling over this very same thing myself and though I don't want my computer to pop its' clogs, I also don't want to remain enslaved as I have been....

...I've been weaning myself, as it is...

Thanks for the inspiration....and much JOY to you in your new ventures...

casting off the chains,

~LOVE~

QueenBee said...

You do what you have to do, girl. Your happiness is the most important thing. I just started following your blog, and I've already gotten so much inspiration from you, is it okay if I e-mail you from time to time for a boost?

Julie Prichard said...

oh no...come back!!!

Julie-ism #462 about blogging: Do not feel obligated to blog...do not feel that you have to have a post frequency..post when you want, if you have something to say. It's ok to fall off schedule and skip days...you don't owe us anything.

Cam said...

I am thanking the Universe for the time we've spent here together. I know that in going forward, I have found a true blue soul sister, and whether it's on a blog, in an email, or a honking sound coming from a VW in your driveway...I know that our story continues!

Talk to you soon!

Lizbethem said...

What sad news. I hope you are able to reconsider, but I do understand. Your reasons match mine for not having a blog (although I do feel kinda out of the loop). Anyway...Good luck!

Christine said...

I've just recently discovered your blog, but find your decision admirable! Good luck in all you do!

Rebecca Lynch Photography said...

That is to bad about the computer. I understand where you are coming from about the finances and not being able to use the internet at work. I have enjoyed seeing your journal backgrounds and maybe what you need is a break from it. I will have to check out your other blog when I get a chance.

Good Luck!!!!!!!

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