Double-Dippin'

[Tracy's Smart Car, which Dave absconds with on every possible occasion -- is it because the car matches his Thursday socks?]

Journal Entry from my patio roost, this morning:
and hark! It's morning, the crews are hard at work on the 2-story frame-up one block over, bangin' and bammin'. I dreamed of having to pee, so I finally got up (4 a.m.) and did so, then I dreamed ------? I couldn't find my car, but I was looking for my old Aveo and not the Impala. It's TODAY, by golly! Do I really feel this perky? Jeans to work, for the third day in a row. I like it. I like it a lot. Not feeling any bright ideas this morning. Still thinking of WAY narrowing down my blog-surfing list and spending my 'free' time at work somehow differently. Writing? I dunno -- more focused as I'm working, anyway. Like, WHY do I read some of these? Like, Judy Wise' journal pages kick my keister & inspire me, so that makes sense. Stuff like that goes through my mind. YOU know. I got onto somebody's blog or Flickr or some such yesterday, about 20 layers deep so I can't remember who or where, and in looking at her photos I thought -- mine are this good without all the photo doctoring. Straight Out of The Camera 'good' pictures don't seem to have any credibility OR (most significantly) MARKETABILITY anymore. People like 'prettified.' Heck, I like prettified. But what? Now no one is going to be able to distinguish a solid S.O.T.C. shot because we've raised everybody up on photoshopped photography? Digitized, airbrushed, fixed, layered, filtered, color-enhanced, textured, brushed, effected ... not always a sign of a good picture under it all. (This artist's photos were awesome, by the way, and had obviously started out that way before the prettifying.) ANYWAY ... Getty now sponsors this woman's photos (not sure what that means, but I DO know what 'GETTY' is/means). Is that because a) she's got them on Flickr where many more people can view them (such as Getty scouts?) or b) because they're prettified? She's been blogging only 3 years, if I remember correctly, and was enumerating all that blogging has brought into her life, cool things like Getty, and publication, and article writing by invite, etc.

And I think -- ok -- why her and not me? I admit it. That's what I thought. My level of writing, at least, is surely as good as anything I've seen on any blog. But no invites to write articles have come my way. My answer to myself comes in the face and voice of one Ms. SuziBlu, who so sagely reminded us on a video post on her blog that we don't NEED any of that to make it happen; we can do it all ourselves now. If I have an article to write, I can plainly write it and post it. Or a poem, or a story, or an anecdote, or a travel tale, or a photograph, or a novel, or a hello a thank you an up yours a kiss my pert heinie. I am my OWN credibility, AMEN variable, acceptance letter, final say.

So nothing in my range of ideas or creativity has to wait on anything or anyone external == all of THAT whining becomes an excuse for sitting on my own hands and feeling overlooked and pitiful (in the self-pitying way). Blecch. Much as I love my own big paws, but I prefer them in front of me making art, pushing a pen, typing a blog entry, folding towels, petting my Zoe-Toes. Alive. I'm already alive and viable in every way. Why does that sometimes get so lost? So diluted? Nobody can know how well I write unless I put it out there, anyway, & the technological age I live in gives me endless venues to do just that. AMEN! I think I'll start with this page, as a happy reminder to everyone out there that he or she really is the only necessary factor in the exposure equation, the expression effect. Eesh blimey and rock 'n' roll! I AM A WRITER. Period. A Toni factoid. I'm also a pretty damn decent photographer, and a steadily growing artist. DEAL WID IT. [I'm not talking to YOU. I'm not talking to 'them'. I'm talking to ME!] Own it, do the Snoopy Dance to a Stevie Ray Vaughan riff, and share the love, Woman! Maybe I don't get a paycheck for it but is that really the same thing as a reward? A sense of accomplishment or satisfaction? Is publication ACTUALLY any indication of personal growth or any measure of ability? If my goal [MY goal] is to be published and that happens, certainly. If my goal is to express myself and I've done so, haven't I achieved the same thing?

====== IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL AN AHA MOMENT? ======

I like it. I like it a lot. I'm definitely posting this. I'm liking that wearing jeans during the week means I can procrastinate on shaving my legs, too, so this is a two-for-one AHA moment.

[all bloom photos from Ian and Traudel's garden - an AHA of an entirely different sort!]